Thursday, July 22, 2010

Fizzled Out

Here I am. OK. I'm in a rut. I'm just feeling fizzled out. I walk by my gardens checking to see what is making it through this extreme heat and what has tuckered out. The fertilizer sits on the shelf in the utility room needing to be used. The garden hose is turned on for at least 2 hours every other day and some plants are struggling. My camera sits in my purse where it always is but lately it hasn't left my purse. No pictures have been taken in 2 weeks which is why I haven't posted much lately. The temps are high with heat factors of 100-110 almost every day. The heat really overcomes the desire to be outdoors. Today the temps are around 100 in my neck of the woods. I do the same things every day at nearly the same times. Deal or No Deal has become my favorite show when I come home from work. I'm gonna have to cut good looking Howie Mandel off more often. Not to mention that Young and the Restless is on from 6-7p on the soap channel and I can't miss my friends in Genoa City.

I am knowingly hurting myself every day by not exercising and doing things against my health. I am not a young person anymore either so taking care is even more important. Why is it so hard to do these things to help myself. It is a struggle. I have a perfect walking spot. I have an exercise bike in a spare bedroom and I even have a TV to watch in there. But I just walk by it every day and think I really need to get back on that bike.

My heart flutters and my BP rises and falls throught out the day. I am not stressed out either. I know from tests over the past 6 months that I already have plaque build up in my heart and it is the early stages of heart disease. I worry that I am a heart attack waiting to happen. Then will I do what I need to do. My elbow is killing me. My knees hurt and swell as well. I wish I could/would give up these nasty cigarettes. I know they are offensive and are killing me. I have smoked since I was 14 years old. Sure I have quit over the years a couple of times - even for a 2 year period one time. I stupidly picked them up again. I don't eat properly. I go for several days at a time eating only a few things and then get to feeling bad. I live alone so I hate cooking for myself. But I need to be more consious of my eating habits. I have vitamins but I don't take them either. I need to take them.

I know what I NEED to do. I know that it is entirely up to me to change. No one can make me. Confessing it here is hard to do but confessing is half the battle. I acknowledge that I have these problems and I need to CHANGE.

Now what am I going to do? I am going to tend to my gardens today. I am going to ride the bike today. I am making plans to purchase some nicotine patches and nicotine gum. I am going to make notes about what is going to help me over the next month and then the next and so on. I am going to DO THIS. Small changes lead to big changes. I will blog about my health and successes and failures on my other blog.

I write this for my own personal accountability.

18 comments:

Kyna said...

I'm looking out the window right now, looking at all the brown and withered and tired plants in my garden. My lawn is all crispy. You're right, it's really hard to muster any will to be outside.

I know what you're saying about knowing what the healthy thing to do is, and actually doing it. I'm like that about exercise and eating. I'm glad I never started smoking, because I have a hard enough time quitting everything else lol. All we can do is keep running after that wagon and climbing back up on it :)

Deb said...

you have taken the first big step...I understand where your coming from..I had to make big changes last year...I was 70 lbs over weight and in a rut...it is amazing the difference a year makes...I've made lots of changes...lost 70 lbs....and stopped worrying about the things I have no control off...and start living life...not just taking care of others....actually taking care of myself...I've never smoked...but know lot's who have...and some have quit..others still need to....I wish you all the best in the world...my husband told me if you don't love yourself...who will??? really put things in prospective for me...

FlowerLady said...

Hot and steamy here too Becky. I wish you well with your healthy goals. Just take one day at a time, and try not to stress.

FlowerLady

Catherine@AGardenerinProgress said...

I know the weather can affect our moods around here when it's gray and dreary and I'm sure when it's too hot to do much outside it makes you feel the same way. Sometimes we just need to take things day by day and it sounds like today you've made some positive decisions. My Dad quit smoking years ago and took up running instead. He always says the hardest part about running is putting the shoes on, once they're on you get your mind in the right place. Hopefully the exercise bike will help you feel the same way. I know often the more people exercise the more energy they have. That and hopefully some cooler weather will hopefully help you feel better.

Sandy aka Doris the Great said...

Good luck with the no smoking. As an ex-smoker (23 yr clean), I applaud you and hope you do it this time. It is a nasty habit and a costly one too!

Sorry about the heat too. It's hot up here but not like where you are. And we got a lovely thunder shower last night which has cleared the air somewhat.

Chicken Boys said...

It's to be 99 here today. We are getting rain off and on, but we could use some more. Sometimes, we need a good smack on the behind to get us in gear, though. Get some rest, eat well, look out for you. I know. I'm in the same boat.
~Randy

lemonverbenalady said...

Becca, Unfortunately if you enjoy smoking, it is tough to give it up! I quit almost 30 years ago. Three packs a day. Can you imagine the money spent if I were still smoking? Maybe I wouldn't be here. You need to keep blogging about it and we will keep you energized and on the right path. You need to just take one step at a time and pretty soon you will be at a month quit, etc. I'm here if you need me. Sending positive energy your way!

Food, Fun and Life in the Charente said...

Becca the important thing is that you know what you are doing wrong. Take one step at a time and correct each thing as you go.

Write yourself a diary, it only has to be short, of what you have done right and what you have not done each day. Each day you look at it it will remind you of yet another thing you should do. This is the only way I can get my act together. I just do a quickie on line and it gives me a reminder kick each day.

Now you have had your hair cut and you look so pretty, start working on the body and stop the smoking. It can be done, I have not smoked now for 25 years, but it was difficult and I was worried about my weight. It can be controlled.

Mt favourite saying is anything worth doing is worth doing properly. Best of luck Diane

Far Side of Fifty said...

You can quit smoking..you just have to want it bad enough. It is really hard, I made a whole year..if I can do it, you can too.. think positive! :)

bennie and patsy said...

Hang in there ever day is a new day.
Patsy

Gatsbys Gardens said...

Becca, you really are in a funk, and I know what funk means. You are a great blog writer and not being able to adore your plants with the camera has taken the fun part of living your life away.

But, hopefully this intense heat is temporary as we have been very hot also. It is difficult to take pictures when the leaves are brown or don't exist at all.

I have a watering system, but we are restricted to every other day. So, on my small lot I do a great deal of hand watering. Hang in there, things will get better, in the fall you think?

Eileen

Angel said...

Hi Becka,
Hot here too !! Saturday suppose to hit 99. Some plants have about had it with this heat!I guess that will give me a bit of a blogging vacation ....
Hubby and I quit smoking 8 yrs.ago after he had a heart attack
(plaque build up from smoking )and 3 stents put in his right artery.
To be totally honest,the best thing you could do for yourself is quit smoking.You will feel sooo much better:) We went "cold turkey", and I did a lot of walking around Home Goods!.... hahaha
After about a month it wasn't so bad. Maybe if you try changing just one thing, the rest will come.
Good Luck, You Go Girl !

Sunny Day said...

Good post. I can relate. I have diabetes, high blood pressure, and high cholesterol. I also need to eat better and walk. But, our temps are from 101 to 105 right now and I am not going outside. Don't have room for an exercise bike so I am envious. If you need an email buddy, go to my blog and you will find my email in my profile. I need the support as much as you do. Maybe we can help each other.

sewingseeds4U said...

Hi Becca,

Your post touched me in so many ways. I am in the same boat with you...I know what I ought to be doing but I just don't act on it. Like Paul said, "The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak". I will pray for you to find the desire to get back on your bike and to get out in the garden early. My garden is a month past it's prime and needs to be deadheaded and weeded but I keep putting it off. The heat wipes me out, too. Hang in there...one day at a time is all we can do. Blessings sweet lady, Patty

Linda@Coastal Charm said...

Wishing you well with the smoking:) Hope you have a great weekend!

Blessings,
Linda

Daisy said...

Becca, I wish you the best of luck in reaching your goals and getting back to a place where you are feeling healthier. We all do this I think, go through stages where we aren't taking care of ourselves. You know what you need to do and you can do it. Believe in yourself and take it a step at a time. Two of my friends recently quit smoking. You can do it too. Hugs to you. Hope you get some relief from the heat soon. I hope you find some time for something that gives you joy this weekend. :)

Noelle said...

Hello Becca,

I think you have made a huge step. I am motivated by your example to work on my many weaknesses taking little steps at a time. I am excited to see your progress and I am sure you will accomplish much :-)

Stephanie said...

Becca, I admire your sincerity and confessing what should not have been done. I hope you will have a productive weekend - exercise and drop smoking ;-) Keep up the good work yeah...