Seven Years Later

How do I start this off today? It's hard to talk about this and I haven't written about it but once before. This is the first time I have shared this incident. I mentioned it last year in a post but this is my first writing of it. I am feeling very anxious today. Not anxious because something is about to happen but because it already did happen. It happened 7 years ago tonight at 1:35 in the morning. I was raped.

The day was Monday. Work was as usual that day. I lived alone in a house at a dead end street. I was the last house. Located next to the interstate made me feel safer. Why - I don't know. I was not safe on this night. The wind was blowing and getting colder that day - much like today. After work I raced home to stay in on this cold night. I immediately walk my dog "Trip". While walking him I noticed a car stopped at the stop sign and then they kinda stayed there. I turned around to go inside right away. But I was not frightened. I always lived my life like nothing could happen to me and didn't want to ever live in fear. Later into the evening Trip barked. I thought nothing of it since the wind was blowing. It must be the limbs breaking outside making noise. Trip continued to bark off and on. I still didn't think anything of it. Even after we went to bed he barked some. I woke up to his barking around 1:00 and he was non stop. There were neighbor dogs and they were barking too. I kept fussing at him to shut up. Around 1:35 I heard a noise at the window next to my bed. At the time I turned to look there was his silouette in the darkness of night and the street light shining behind him - he was on my window sill and jumped on me. It was so horrible. Excuse me as I tear up.

I screamed loudly and he pressed a knife to my throat and a hand over my mouth. I stopped screaming and prayed. I prayed and prayed some more. Out loud I prayed and did just as I was told. I was robbed first and then raped. The worst part was thinking I was going to die. I prayed for my grandkids - that they didn't have to lose their grandma. Thank you Jesus that I am here today. (His next victim was burned up in her home) Come to find out this 18 year old stupid person spent the evening in my yard and in my car - tearing it to hell and back.

Three years later he pleaded guilty in my case and was sentenced to life. He stood trial in the murder and was sentenced to life without parole.

Time - time makes a difference. At the time I thought I'd never be alright again and that fear would keep me from being who I was. Time makes a difference. To anyone who is going through something difficult - time makes a difference. Unfortunately we can't rush time. I am still very cautious but I do not live in fear. I do pay attention when my dog is barking. Thankfully Buddy doesn't bark all the time - only when he needs to. My family has been very supportive and they were there for me when I needed them and I did need them.

How I've changed since this happened. I am more cautious than ever before. I pay close attention to things going on around me. I don't get caught up in crowds. I avoid them. I keep weapons handy. I never shop after dark. All of these things are just precautions and make me feel better and more active with regards to my safety. There are many things though that are the same as it was then. I still have a small dog. I live alone and in a house and I am at the end of the road. I have a window unit in my bedroom window. All of these things that are the same - I had to come to grips with them and go on living. Putting the window unit in last year was the biggest step for me.

Be careful out there when you are shopping. Always be aware of who and what is going on around you. I have a contraption on my key chain that opens up as scissors and I walk with it in my hand. Have your keys in your hand before you walk out of the stores. Notice on purpose the inside of your car before you attempt to get in. Looking around you as you get into the car. Ladies just be careful. You never know who might want to hurt you.

(I love you April)